The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
