Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
