I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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