New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
