Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
