White coat. Heels.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
