Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
