cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
