it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
