i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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