Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize