sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
