trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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