dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
