Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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