Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
