it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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