im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
