I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize