dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
