We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i think we sleep fucked last night...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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