Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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