Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
