he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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