anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize