well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
