his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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