speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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