Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
