I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
