Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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