Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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