people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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