he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
