mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?