I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.