Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.