So gin and wine won't be happening again
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What a dumb baby whore.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
