After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.