tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?