Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
