In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
