if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
