The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
