Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
