How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
