totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Still dying that you shit outside
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.