Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.