my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.