life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
