Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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