Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
