i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
