I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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