i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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