Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
