I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
