you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
