it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
