A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
