i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
