I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
