If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
