it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
