So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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