Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
